ADHD RSD Signs and Symptoms | RSD Coping Strategies for ADHD Entrepreneurs
That is an actual comment on my Facebook post.
And I’m pretty sure, regardless of if you have ADHD or not, this comment would cut pretty deep.
But because I have ADHD, it sent me into a bit of an RSD spiral.
RSD or rejection sensitive dysphoria is when you experience severe emotional pain because of a perceived failure or feeling rejected. Some of us with ADHD just feel our feelings waaaay deeper than our neurotypical counterparts.
And if you’re not familiar with the symptoms of RSD you’re in luck because we’re discussing RSD signs and symptoms as well as some coping strategies to help you manage when RSD rears its ugly head.
What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?
As a business owner, you may encounter all types of rejection. People doubting your idea or what you are capable of. People insulting your expertise. People rejecting your offers or telling you that you're not worth what you are charging.
And it hurts. Deeply. To the point where it is uncomfortable. And it feels like it is impossible to move past this or stop thinking about it.
It can create anxiety or emotional outbursts. Or shame. Or defensiveness. It may make you want to throw in the towel.
As with so many other ADHD strategies, learning to recognize the signs of RSD is your first step towards creating coping strategies. What do you do when you feel the gut punch. The heart flutter. The sudden rush of tears to your eyes. The rage...😬
Because here is the thing...if you are going to run a successful business, you are going to encounter a few Negative Nellys or experience rejection along the way. Rejection and failure is just part of the deal. That is why I want to give you signs to recognize you’re experiencing or have experienced RSD and some strategies to try the next time you feel yourself spiraling.
ADHD RSD Signs & Symptoms
Let’s start by trying to understand why us ADHDers may experience these heightened or sometimes paralyzing emotions.
While RSD isn’t an official ADHD symptom or medical condition, it is linked to emotional dysregulation which is an ADHD symptom.
Emotional dysregulation means that you struggle to regulate your response to something that spikes your emotions…think embarrassment, failure, criticism, or getting a social media comment that says “I hate you”.
It is normal to have an emotional reaction to these types of situations. The difference is, since emotional regulation is an executive function and us ADHDers struggle with executive function, we tend to feel this pain or embarrassment or criticism much deeper.
It can be much harder for us to regulate and respond to an event or situation that spikes our emotional response. This pain is felt so deeply that it often will impact your motivation preventing you from trying new things because if you don’t try then you won’t fail.
You may feel anxiety or negative feelings before rejection, failure or negative events even happen.
You may find yourself sucked into perfectionism to compensate for your fear of failure or to make sure you please other people in order to avoid their disapproval.
You may even misinterpret someone’s vague responses as criticism or negativity. Or feel that any response that isn’t over the top positive as a form of rejection.
And I realize that anyone might have these sorts of feelings, emotions, and reactions depending on what’s going on in their personal life, their hormones fluctuating, if they got a good enough night’s sleep or if they ate breakfast…the difference is that for those of us with ADHD suffering with RSD, this impacts us regularly, maybe daily, and it happens over and over. We also tend to hold on to those feelings and ruminate. We can’t be like Elsa and just “let it go”. ❄️❄️❄️
All of these feelings that we are feeling are very true and very real. But us ADHDers have the added layer of emotional dysregulation causes these feelings to be very, very loud. Like the volume is turned up to 11. And they stick around for longer than they may in a neurotypical person.
If you caught last week’s episode on Time Blindness, you may have heard me tell the story of a coach that called me out in front of a group because I wasn’t trying hard enough and that I was making excuses. That event happened almost 4 years ago and I am not proud to say that I still think about that embarrassment and pain more regularly than I’d like to admit.
How to Manage RSD ADHD
So what can we do?
Let me start by saying that if you are experiencing the extreme emotional and possibly physical pain caused by RSD, it’s important not the push it down or ignore it thinking it will just go away. A key to training your brain to cope with emotions is to evaluate the trigger and response rather than ignoring it, which could send you into an emotional spiral that may cause even more damage.
And it’s key to remember that it’s not just the negative emotions that we feel in a big way. We also often experience love, joy, fun, and kindness more deeply than the non-ADHD crowd. A bit of yin and yang.
So let me share some of the coping strategies that have helped me start to understand and process my emotions when I feel RSD creeping in…
How to Manage RSD ADHD: Create Some Space and Distance
If possible, try not to respond right away.
If you are in person, ask to excuse yourself and take some time to cool off or wind down.
If it is online, give yourself time before responding (if you have to respond at all).
I have even written my response down but not sent it. Then I'll revisit when I feel like I can analyze it better. Which brings me to to my next tip…
How to Manage RSD ADHD: Use Thinking vs Emotional brain
When RSD strikes, you often get defensive. And this emotional defensiveness can lead to you protecting yourself by tearing down others. We want them to feel as bad as we do.
With practice, you may be able to learn to slow down and analyze the situation.
For instance, in my situation with the social media commenter, I recognized that the reel this commenter saw triggered something in them. I've had those feelings too. In fact, I was feeling triggered because they were feeling triggered! So after I created some space and distance, I was able to respond in a calmer way, saying I was sorry they felt that way and wished them good luck on their journey.
How to Manage RSD ADHD: Redirect Your Brain
While I did say earlier that it is important to process the emotions you’re feeling rather than push them down, it can become detrimental when you continue to ruminate on the situation for days, weeks, or years (like me) after the incident.
Now that I’ve created an awareness around when this happens and I catch myself spiraling into rumination over past incidents, I will redirect into a more positive action.
I’ll do something I enjoy, watch I show I like, or better yet, do something with my family or friends to help redirect my brain from the rumination.
How to Manage RSD ADHD: Remember Your Past Success
If you’re struggling due to failure or rejection, it’s important to focus on the success you’ve had in the past or how you’ve overcome your failures, criticism, and rejection previously.
Think of something hard you’ve worked for or worked through that have gotten you to the place where you are today.
For me, I think about how devastating it was when my first husband asked for a divorce and how I wouldn’t be in the place I am now, happily married again with two amazing kids, if I hadn’t dug deep (with the help of a therapist) to overcome the feelings of rejection or failure I was experiencing.
How to Manage RSD ADHD: Work with a Therapist
And speaking of therapy, there is A LOT to process emotionally when you are struggling with RSD. It can feel debilitating and you may feel like throwing in the towel is the best way to stop the ache.
Working with a therapist or mental health professional can help you create coping strategies specific to you. Just because you ARE this way now doesn't mean you have to STAY this way. They can help you to create coping strategies, a mindfulness practice, or develop daily affirmations that may help to reduce the impacts you feel due to failure, rejection, or criticism.
How to Manage RSD ADHD: Give Yourself Grace
We are works in progress.
And whether you were diagnosed with ADHD as a child or an adult, you are always changing and growing.
Even with all the work I've done on staying more mindful and watching my rage gauge, I still have moments I'm not proud of. But I am actively trying. Which is more than I can say for myself 10 years ago.
If you’d like some support in understanding your ADHD, executive function, and how you can finally follow through to create the success you know is possible, we should chat!
My ADHD coaching programs were designed to support busy ADHD mom entrepreneurs trying to juggle all the things. Click the button below to schedule your free, no-obligation call to discuss how I can help you!
